My Love For You is Limited

Originally Published January 18, 2017

I started dreaming about you long before you were even a possibility.

The moment I found out about you I couldn't wait to meet you, to know what you look like, and to see who you become.

I spent nine long months preparing a place for you, a place where you are loved and safe and cherished.

Now that you're here I am obsessed with knowing the exact moment that you fall asleep and I listen closely for you to wake up.

I choose to be with you as often as possible so that I am there when you need me.

I cannot go more than a couple minutes without thinking of you and my entire day is planned around you.

The hair on your head is of special interest to me. I look at it daily, trying to decide if you have any more than the day before.

Every morning I delight in dressing you in the cutest clothes and I absolutely love to feed you all day long.

I keep diligent track of your preferred routines and schedules so that I will know what you need even before you do.

Everything in me is filled with joy when bits and pieces of your personality shine through because I can't wait to know you.

I love you simply because you are you and really, I can't imagine how I could ever love you more.

However...

I had no idea what you looked like until the day you were born and you continue to change so much that I really don't know what you're gonna look like a month from now.

The home I have prepared for you is only moderately safe as I cannot guarantee that there won't be intruders.

Sometimes you fall asleep and even wake up without me having any idea until you decide to cry out for me.

It's impossible for me to never leave your side because I have other obligations and cannot be two places at once.

My mind is full of many to-dos and my entire focus just can't always be on you.

I have no clue how many hairs are actually on your head and I could totally be fooling myself into thinking that you're growing more.

Sometimes I let you stay in your pajamas all day long and my minimal fashion sense means you aren't always dressed the best.

There are times when I have no idea what to feed you or how to prepare food so that it both nourishes and pleases you.

And despite my best efforts at getting to know you, there are still days when I am clueless as to what you need.

Because even though you have my heart I am still only human.

I can't peer into the womb, completely ward off evil, watch you without ceasing, count hairs, feed and dress you perfectly, or read minds.

And unfortunately, I know as the days go on I will fail you plenty of times.

My love for you, though it feels overflowing, is limited.

However...

There is a God whose love for you is literally limitless.

He knew you completely before he ever formed you in my womb (Jeremiah 1:5).

He has prepared a place in heaven for you where love is complete and evil is no more (John 14:3).

He knows exactly when you're awake and when you are resting (Psalm 139:2-3)

He will never leave your side (Psalm 139:7-12)

His thoughts about you are innumerable (Psalm 40:5).

God knows the exact number of hairs on your head even though that number changes constantly (Matthew 10:30).

You never have to worry about having something to wear or something to eat because he promises to always clothe and feed you (Matthew 6:25-31).

And he knows you so well that, unlike me, he knows exactly what you need before you can even put it into words (Matthew 6:8).

Trust me, little one, you cannot fathom how much I love you. You are the light of my life. But you have to know now that I will come up short, I will make mistakes, and you will question my love.

This is devastating to me but it is my desperate hope and prayer that my imperfect love points you to the Source of Love himself, our Father God.

He will never let you down. May you always look to him as your ultimate provider, healer, protector, guide, and love.

I am limited, my dear, but our God is completely limitless.